I feel like a zombie. I submitted two apps over the course of twenty four hours and have two more apps to go. It’s become more of an anxiety stress than it is workload pressure at this point. The actual work I’m doing is pretty mundane: finding the website of that club I joined in college, searching for how many people work for my company, cleaning up essays, scrubbing each and every word of my entire application, etc.
I’ve gotten so sick of reviewing the essays I’ve written that I feel sorry for the adcom folks who have to go through thousands of these. Before I submit, I usually review each essay at least a handful of times until I got to the point where I go through multiple reviews without finding errors. Each time I find one, it casts a cloud of doubt over all my previous reviews, and I’m compelled to complete even more of them. In addition to errors, there’s also the “tweaker” mentality that pops up in your head. “Hmm, did I really need to include ‘that’ in this sentence?” “Does my vocabulary make me sound interesting?” “I wonder if this is the best font to upload my essays in?” After a while though, you realize that none of those factors will be the deciding factor for your app. (And if they are, you probably got dinged for some other reason too)
When I took the GMAT, my push during the final week was critical to my score. However, I’m wondering if the admissions process is the same way. Has my fate already been predetermined by everything I’ve done to this point? It’s a weird feeling when you get ready to hit the submit button for your application. You know that one click of the mouse has the potential to change your entire future. Unfortunately, it also has the potential to leave everything the same.
Two more to go. The finish line is in sight. Let’s hope for change.